When I agreed to watch the current season of The Voice, I went into it knowing nothing about the show. I’d never seen it before. I didn’t know who the coaches were, other than Adam Levine, who is sexier than words can explain. I didn’t understand anything about the teams, or what the voting off rules were, or how many times a week it came on the air. And I didn’t know that Carson Daly was the host of The Voice.
Boy, I wish I had.
Carson Daly makes it very difficult for me to watch The Voice. Every time he opens his mouth, I die a little inside. He talks entirely way too much. He’s on stage entirely way too much. He refers to Christina by her full name entirely way too often - everyone else is “Adam” or “Cee Lo” or “Blake”, but it’s almost always “Christina Aguilera”. What’s up with that? Part of me just can’t trust him or take him seriously; he was engaged to Tara Reid, remember?
I don’t remember him being so annoying back when he was the host of Total Request Live on MTV. But then again, I was 14, and I thought BBMak was going to be bigger than *NSync.
Yeah, yeah, but they were British, and none of them had crazy ramen noodle hair like Justin Timberlake.
You know it’s true.
Carson Daly sounds like he’s constantly raising his voice. Not shouting…more like your high school math teacher trying to get the class’s attention on the day the yearbook came out. So annoying, right? Like, just shut up, get on with the show, and get off the stage. Where does he come off with such a nasal voice anyway? He’s from California, not New Jersey. It doesn’t make any sense.
After watching the show tonight, I started thinking about alternate hosts for The Voice. Anyone that would make it easier for me to enjoy the show, and less likely to make me want to mute the tv whenever they start speaking. And so, without further ado, I present my list of 10 alternate hosts of The Voice that would be better than Carson Daly.
1. Christina Millian
Christina would be perfect. She’s already a backstage correspondent for the show, so she knows the ins and outs of everything and the duties of being a host. She knows the music business too - remember when she had a singing career? Ohh, snap. Perfect.
2. Drew Carey
Dude, he’s so skinny now! It’s so weird. Good weird. Anyway, he’d be a good host mainly because he’s actually funny. Not pee-your-pants funny, but the kind of funny a good host should be. Like how he was in Who’s Line Is It Anyway?. That was great. And he does The Price Is Right, so you know he’s got the experience for a show like The Voice.
3. Wayne Brady
He can sing, he can dance, he’s hilarious, he’s been a host of several shows, and he’s sexy. No way I’d mute him if he was the host of The Voice.
4. John Stamos
Honestly? I just want to look at him and his hair. But he has done musical theatre, and he’s witty and charming, and he hasn’t ever been engaged to Tara Reid. Totally a better option than Carson Daly.
5. William Shatner
C’mon. He’s Captain Kirk. And he’s kind of crazy, but in a fun, quirky way. And he talks…so…uniquely. Could you imagine the dialogue between him and Cee Lo? Mmm. I vote yes.
6. Lindsay Lohan
I know. You’re thinking, “Lindsay Lohan, are you crazy?” That’s exactly why she’d be a better host than Carson Daly. She’d bring a special kind of flair to the show, what with her being a total trainwreck. They might even let her perform a musical number, and then we could all relive the magic of her song, “Rumors”.
7. Tila Tequila
Tila Tequila would be a phenomenal host for The Voice. She’d wear almost nothing, which would make the male viewers happy. Watching her try to seduce all the contestants (and yes, I mean all) would be enormously entertaining. Remember A Shot of Love with Tila Tequila? Don’t pretend like you didn’t secretly love it.
If you don’t know who the hell Jedward is, oh boy, you’re missing out. They were Ireland’s pick for Eurovision 2011 with their song "Lipstick". They talk too much, they’re suspiciously gay, they’re identical twins, and they are only famous because they were on Britain’s X-Factor in 2009. Think Beiber but a thousand times worse. Combine them with the coaches? Oh lord. So bad, it’d be good.
9. The Travelocity Gnome
He’s adorable. He’s got an accent, one that makes sense. And he wouldn’t hog the stage because he’d be in a rush to travel somewhere and get into ridiculous predicaments.
10. This French Dip Sandwich
Doesn’t it look delicious? Yummy! Yummier than Carson Daly, at any rate. Obvious win.
So there you have it - 10 Alternate Hosts of The Voice that would be better than Carson Daly. I dare you to disagree and argue that Carson Daly is better than anyone/anything else on this list. I dare you.
On a completely unrelated note, does anyone else think that Christina Aguilera’s microphone stand looks like anal beads?
If you didn’t, I bet you do now!