Quixotic Ash

Like everyone else who’s cool, I’ve been watching a lot of Ancient Aliens lately. Like everyone else who isn’t blind, I’m fascinated by Giorgio Tsoukalos’s extremely vertical hair.

Watching Ancient Aliens on its own is fun and is something I recommend to everyone, especially while with a friend. However…if you can add in some alcohol, it’s even better.

I was over at my TexMex lover-boy’s house the other day, and his housemates were trying to turn the show into a drinking game, but it seemed like they were having a little trouble with that. I did some extensive google research this afternoon on the topic, and I think I’ve come up with the perfect version of an Ancient Aliens Drinking Game. :D

Ancient Aliens Drinking Game Rules

1. Take a drink when the narrator says “If”. Take two drinks when he says, “If so”.
2. Take a drink when anyone says “As ancient astronaut theorists believe/speculate….”
3. Whenever someone being interviewed has no relevant credentials like a PhD (usually they’re an author or a filmmaker, haha!)
4. Whenever an ancient manuscript/tablet is displayed
5. Every time Giorgio Tsoukalos makes his signature motion with his two hands take a two drinks (one for each hand)
6. Take a drink whenever a map is displayed

For #5, you really only have to do it once each time they pan over to an interview scene with him and he’s doing the hand motion, not each time he waves his hands around during it. Unless you want to get shitfaced. By all means, go for it each time if you want to get shitfaced.

On a related note, let’s look at some memes.

Ohhhh, such fun. :D

When I agreed to watch the current season of The Voice, I went into it knowing nothing about the show. I’d never seen it before. I didn’t know who the coaches were, other than Adam Levine, who is sexier than words can explain. I didn’t understand anything about the teams, or what the voting off rules were, or how many times a week it came on the air. And I didn’t know that Carson Daly was the host of The Voice.

Boy, I wish I had.

Carson Daly makes it very difficult for me to watch The Voice. Every time he opens his mouth, I die a little inside. He talks entirely way too much. He’s on stage entirely way too much. He refers to Christina by her full name entirely way too often - everyone else is “Adam” or “Cee Lo” or “Blake”, but it’s almost always “Christina Aguilera”. What’s up with that? Part of me just can’t trust him or take him seriously; he was engaged to Tara Reid, remember?

I don’t remember him being so annoying back when he was the host of Total Request Live on MTV. But then again, I was 14, and I thought BBMak was going to be bigger than *NSync.

Yeah, yeah, but they were British, and none of them had crazy ramen noodle hair like Justin Timberlake.

You know it’s true.

Carson Daly sounds like he’s constantly raising his voice. Not shouting…more like your high school math teacher trying to get the class’s attention on the day the yearbook came out. So annoying, right? Like, just shut up, get on with the show, and get off the stage. Where does he come off with such a nasal voice anyway? He’s from California, not New Jersey. It doesn’t make any sense.

After watching the show tonight, I started thinking about alternate hosts for The Voice. Anyone that would make it easier for me to enjoy the show, and less likely to make me want to mute the tv whenever they start speaking. And so, without further ado, I present my list of 10 alternate hosts of The Voice that would be better than Carson Daly.

1. Christina Millian

Christina would be perfect. She’s already a backstage correspondent for the show, so she knows the ins and outs of everything and the duties of being a host. She knows the music business too - remember when she had a singing career? Ohh, snap. Perfect.

2. Drew Carey

Dude, he’s so skinny now! It’s so weird. Good weird. Anyway, he’d be a good host mainly because he’s actually funny. Not pee-your-pants funny, but the kind of funny a good host should be. Like how he was in Who’s Line Is It Anyway?. That was great. And he does The Price Is Right, so you know he’s got the experience for a show like The Voice.

3. Wayne Brady

He can sing, he can dance, he’s hilarious, he’s been a host of several shows, and he’s sexy. No way I’d mute him if he was the host of The Voice.

4. John Stamos

Honestly? I just want to look at him and his hair. But he has done musical theatre, and he’s witty and charming, and he hasn’t ever been engaged to Tara Reid. Totally a better option than Carson Daly.

5. William Shatner

C’mon. He’s Captain Kirk. And he’s kind of crazy, but in a fun, quirky way. And he talks…so…uniquely. Could you imagine the dialogue between him and Cee Lo? Mmm. I vote yes.

6. Lindsay Lohan

I know. You’re thinking, “Lindsay Lohan, are you crazy?” That’s exactly why she’d be a better host than Carson Daly. She’d bring a special kind of flair to the show, what with her being a total trainwreck. They might even let her perform a musical number, and then we could all relive the magic of her song, “Rumors”.

7. Tila Tequila

Tila Tequila would be a phenomenal host for The Voice. She’d wear almost nothing, which would make the male viewers happy. Watching her try to seduce all the contestants (and yes, I mean all) would be enormously entertaining. Remember A Shot of Love with Tila Tequila? Don’t pretend like you didn’t secretly love it.

8. Jedward

If you don’t know who the hell Jedward is, oh boy, you’re missing out. They were Ireland’s pick for Eurovision 2011 with their song “Lipstick”. They talk too much, they’re suspiciously gay, they’re identical twins, and they are only famous because they were on Britain’s X-Factor in 2009. Think Beiber but a thousand times worse. Combine them with the coaches? Oh lord. So bad, it’d be good.

9. The Travelocity Gnome

He’s adorable. He’s got an accent, one that makes sense. And he wouldn’t hog the stage because he’d be in a rush to travel somewhere and get into ridiculous predicaments.

10. This French Dip Sandwich

Doesn’t it look delicious? Yummy! Yummier than Carson Daly, at any rate. Obvious win.

So there you have it - 10 Alternate Hosts of The Voice that would be better than Carson Daly. I dare you to disagree and argue that Carson Daly is better than anyone/anything else on this list. I dare you.

On a completely unrelated note, does anyone else think that Christina Aguilera’s microphone stand looks like anal beads?

If you didn’t, I bet you do now!

The other week, I made a post about how I made Sex In A Pan based on a pin I found on Pinterest with the recipe. Since then, my love for Pinterest has only gotten worse, but I swear it’s a good thing! It’s getting me motivated to decorate my bedroom, to exercise, and to fantasize about hot celebrities.

Okay, I probably don’t need Pinterest to help motivate me to do that last one.

Recently, I stumbled up on a neat pin about a Sharpie and lamp project. And of course, that little voice inside my head that goes “I can do that!” went off. Because, I can totally do that. What’s hard about it? It’s a lamp shade + a Sharpie + a fun quote. Easy!

Not easy. Well, making it was easy, but figuring out a good quote? That took about a week. I wanted it to be a fun Harry Potter quote, but google searching “Harry Potter quotes” or “Harry Potter passages” gives you jack shit in terms of options. Now way in hell was I going to go pick up one of the books to search for one manually because then I’d just end up sitting and reading Harry Potter all afternoon. Which would be fun, but it wouldn’t help in getting my lamp shade done.

I ended up deciding to go with the opening of Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier. It’s a gorgeous book, well written, a classic bit of suspense from the late 1930s, and I love it. I’m also currently rereading it, since I haven’t read it since college. (Basic plot summary for those of you who’ve never even heard of this book: girl meets this rich English dude, marries him after two weeks, moves into his fabulous mansion, and then is tormented by the housekeeper and the fact that she’ll never ever live up to the perfection of Rebecca, the first and mysteriously deceased wife of the new hubby. Ooo, ahh, suspense.)

My handwriting is gorgeous (let’s be honest), but smaller than I expected, so I actually made it through the first two pages of the book. But that’s okay because the whole “less is more” thing is a bunch of crap. More is more!

Here’s what it looks like. :)

Voila! The perfect lampshade for book nerds. 

For more instructions and inspiration, check out A Little Glass Box.

Yesterday while at work, I was playing on pinterest and saw this picture:

Obviously, I started drooling. Wouldn’t you? This delectable dessert is called Sex in a Pan. Go ahead, giggle. It’s a silly name.

I read through the recipe on jocooks (http://www.jocooks.com/bakery/cakes/sex-in-a-pan/) and thought, “Oh, I can make that.” So I did. Last night. I really really wanted some sex in a pan, hehe!

It did end up taking forever to make, though. You have to bake the crust, make both types of pudding, and there is a ton of whipped cream in this. Next time I make it, I’m going to use more cream cheese than it says to, and I think I’ll make the whipped cream from scratch instead of using Cool Whip. Cool Whip is lovely, but I always prefer real whipped cream.

Here’s what mine turned out like:

Basically, it looks like a hot mess. But it’s still freaking delicious. :)